Saying Goodbye
This numb feeling scares me. It is exactly how I felt when I got the call about the flooding in Cabaret. The same nothingness I felt standing in the shower after I found out that Maggie died. It’s the absence of emotion I felt after the earthquake. It’s the empty hole I feel whenever I try to imagine someone other than Pastor John saying, “you may now kiss the bride.” at my wedding. It’s a pain so deep you can’t quite access it. So ‘nothing’ fills its place. Every morning when I step out on my balcony and look out at my garden I feel the rush of emotion shooting up to my throat. I quickly turn around and keep myself busy making coffee or planning out my day. When I talk to Patris and hear the pain is his voice, my eyes instantly yearn for the tears to start flowing, so we start talking about the bread I need to order for the orphanage. I’m nervous about tomorrow. I know I won’t be able to keep it all down. I am beginning to understand Haitian grieving. Throwing yourself on the ground,