Ripe Mango Chronicles

Today has not been a good day. It was one of those days where I feel like I'm completely lost, and have no idea how to get where I need to go. It was one of those days I ask myself over and over, "What am I doing here? I am NOT equipped for this job." I find myself asking God a million questions that all sound the same. I say, "God I can't do it." and He says, "If you couldn't do it I wouldn't have asked you to." I say, "God I don't have a clue what I'm doing, I can't make these kind of decisions." He responds, "You're not alone in this, I'm right here with you." I say, "God, I really don't think I'm the right person for this job." God says, "Who knows best, you or Me?" I say, "Why does it have to be so hard?" God says, "Rachel, would you just go to bed already and stop worrying about everything?" I guess it's time for bed.

There are moments that stand out above and beyond all others. Usually these moments are nothing shiny, nothing flashy just pure and simple joy. As I reached for my toothbrush the other night I noticed that it was not alone. It was sleepover night at my house and a bedroom of girls were staying over. It made me smile when I saw a little pink toothbrush next to mine. This simple act spoke to me. It said, “I am comfortable in your home. I feel acceptance here. I feel loved.” Maybe it’s a stretch, maybe I’m reaching here, but I think the placement of a toothbrush says a lot. When you’re staying over at a friend’s where do you put your toothbrush? Do you keep it in your bag? Leave it on the counter? Or put it in the cup? Typically, when staying with friends, I keep mine in my makeup bag, unless I feel at completely welcome and at home where I am. Then, and only then does my toothbrush find it’s home in the cup. I am so glad the kids feel like they are at home when they are here, because in

Sometimes in my whining I ask God to do something I know is impossible. Forgetting of course that nothing is impossible for God. Just a few days I ago I wrote a blog called “Back to the simple life.” In which I wrote these very words: “Maybe if I met some new people or made some new friends it would shake things up a bit, but where in Haiti can I meet new people?” Well, the answer to that question is; at the end of a road, in a beautiful house with a green gate. Yesterday we spent the day visiting with an awesome family. I had such a great time. It’s so wonderful to meet people who can understand the things you go through, laugh along with you through your mishaps, and share theirs too. You can swap stories about trying to barter in the market, or what to do when kids throw rocks at your dog. You can laugh at things others may find offensive (for a lack of understanding). There is an immediate connection with people who have led similar lives and been through similar situations. I even

As part of the Missionary Development Program I’m doing I have to read through the Bible, cover to cover. I’ve made it all the way to Genesis. (This is a joke, for those of you who are not Bible readers, since the very first book of the Bible is Genesis) The story of Joseph is really interesting. There is so much going on, every time I read it something completely new catches my attention. First of all going back to before Joseph was born; the love story of Jacob and Rachel. I just can’t imagine how angry Jacob must have been to be tricked into marrying Leah after working for Rachel’s hand for SEVEN YEARS! It kind of makes sense why Jacob loved Joseph more than his other sons. Not that loving one child more than another is right, but I can understand where he was coming from. He truly loved Rachel, enough to work 14 years for her hand, of course he is going to have a different connection with the son she bore him. But the thing that really stuck out to me this morning was Joseph’s unde

I'm having a hard time adjusting back into the simple life. I want to be able to run free, to come and go as I please, to drive for hours in whatever direction the wind blows, to wander, to dance, to explore, to be the free spirit I once was. I love what I do, I love these kids with all my heart. I'm so glad this is where my life journey has brought me, but to be honest, sometimes I miss the adventures of my past life. Sometimes the things I've given up haunt me. Sometimes I wish I could be two different people, live in two different places and lead two different lives. I'm not sure what the answer is. To be honest I don't even really know what the question is. Am I in a rutt or just having a blah kind of day? Do I need to make some changes or just accept the simplicity that is my life? Maybe if I met some new people or made some new friends it would shake things up a bit, but where in Haiti can I meet new people? If only a weekend away was an option. An all night

The beginning of what, I'm not quite sure, but it's the beginning of something.