A Lesson in Trust

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

If you've ever attended church or a Bible study I'm sure you've read or at least heard someone quote this verse. I've led Bible studies and even, very recently, preached using this as one of my key scriptures. Worry is something I struggle with. A lot. I mean every single day. Honestly, by world views I have a lot to worry about. Don't we all?  I know what the Bible says about worry but  I make up excuses. I rationalize worry. I've even convinced myself that it's ok to worry. I feel like my life is just different, my problems are too big, too overwhelming, too difficult, too scary NOT to worry.

Here's what I know for sure; worry and trust cannot coexist. You must choose ONE. 

Kenol and I are consistently underfunded. So when we recently did a special fundraiser to send our boys to Camp Kahquah for one week in July and $4000 was raised in just 5 weeks, I was amazed, astonished, completely shocked! I saw God's hand all over that fundraiser. It was incredible! Then when we started planning the logistics of getting the boys to camp a good friend offered to fly with the children since she was heading home from a visit around that same time. Again, God's hand. I was so excited and just knew without a shadow of a doubt that this whole trip was completely covered in God's grace. But then, the week leading up to their trip I started to worry about them getting stuck in immigration. This fear and worry started to consume me. 

The truth was:

1. The kids have multi-entry visas and can legally enter Canada.

2. We followed all the instructions from the Canada.gov website regarding children traveling with someone who is not their guardian.

3. We had all the paperwork prepared and notarized giving travel consent. 

My brain said: 

1. Your kids are going to get stuck in immigration. 

Post earthquake I struggled a lot with anxiety, including panic attacks. In my post-quake counseling sessions we talked a lot about anxiety; how to deal with it, how to live with it. I very seriously struggled with anxiety for a little more than 2 years post-quake,  I learned to live with it for the most part and thankfully the Lord has done a great work in my life and I have been almost completely anxiety free for the last number of years. That being said, having so seriously struggled with anxiety I am very sensitive to the physical symptoms of anxiety. I tell you all this to say that my worry over the boys getting through customs was going from bad to worse. I was crossing the line from worry to full blown anxiety.

The night before their flight I actually went to sleep easily and slept well until I woke up around 5:00. From the moment my eyes opened I started worrying. I lay in bed for a long while just going over every possible scenario. Finally when I started to wonder if they lock kids up in some immigration prison somewhere if they aren't allowed into the country I realized laying there wasn't helping, so I got out of bed and decided to get my day started. When I got into the shower I could feel my chest tightening, one of the physical symptoms I experience with anxiety. I took a deep breath and started praying. I thanked the Lord for making a way for the boys to go and reminded myself that the Lord is good, and he is faithful. I took another deep breath and said, "I choose to trust that everything is going to be fine, and you will take care of the boys today." and I truly meant it.  Philippians 4:6-7 immediately became so incredibly real to me. As soon as I made the choice to trust the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, immediately put a guard over my heart and my mind. The anxiety and worry melted away as soon as I made the choice. I knew then that everything would be fine, regardless of what the outcome was. 

Throughout the day I had to keep on choosing trust over worry. My thoughts would wander and worry would do it's darnedest to sneak back in but I made the choice over and over to trust and guess what? Not only was I able to be anxiety free with a beautiful peace in my heart and my mind the entire day, when the boy were in immigration the officer skimmed over our paperwork and said, "Yep, everything looks great." and they walked right on through.

Friends, we have a choice to make. We can choose to worry or we can choose to trust. The catch is that you only get to choose one at a time. 

I'm going to choose trust, and keep on choosing it.

What will you choose?