The question.

The most common question I’ve been hearing lately is, “how has it been being a full time mom to the boys?” Well…it hasn’t been easy balancing 65 children that I consider mine but don’t live in our house, 1 husband who I adore, and 3 boys who have magically appeared in every moment of my life; morning, noon and night. Here is an honest answer to that question:

Last Sunday one of our teenage girls, one that I’m normally pretty close with, lost it on me, she just started yelling at me, was incredibly rude and actually hung up the phone on me. This was her second fit of this sort in the past two weeks. I told her she was not allowed to go to youth group as a result of her behavior. A few hours later I was standing in the gym when the kids came up from youth, and to my surprise there she was wandering up the hill with the rest of the teens. I called her over and told her we would meet the next morning to discuss everything that had happened that day.

Monday morning after devotion I called her into my office. Instead of yelling at her (which is what I wanted to do) I asked her what was wrong, why was she acting like this because it was really out of character for her. I just wanted to understand what was going on with her, what was causing her to be so awful. To my surprise she started bawling and began to explain that sometimes she is so awful to me by accident, she doesn’t mean to say mean things or act like that but she is so mad at me that she just can’t help it. She went on to tell me what was on her heart. It sounded a little like this.

“The orphanage is my family. I know I have a real family out there, but everyone here is my family, you are my family. You have been my mom for so long, when everyone else left me and I had no one you were always there for me. Then you got married and I felt like I didn’t matter anymore. Then the boys moved here and it’s like we are not your kids anymore, they’re your only kids now. We want you to be our mom again. We are all acting so badly because we are just so upset we don’t know how to act sometimes.”

There was only one way to respond, I just started bawling. So for the next twenty minutes or so we sat there bawling together. I explained to her how hard it has been for me to try to balance everything, that I love her just as much as I always have, and that I am so sorry that I have been a sucky mom lately.

It was the best thing that could have ever happened. I couldn’t help but feel a little glimmer of hope. The Hope House kids have been AWFUL for the past while and I finally know why. It’s not easy when so many people need your attention, especially when I really want to give every one of them my full attention. This young girl and I talked it out and I asked her to forgive me, and to help me be a better mom to the other kids. I also explained that Kenol has to be my priority and that things have to be different than they were, but I can definitely make an effort to spend more time with them. Since then I have been trying really hard to make sure I spend a few hours every day just hanging out with the kids. It’s been exhausting, but so great.

Being a mom to 68 kids is sometimes overwhelming, but also such a blessing. Not many people in the world have a family as incredible as this one. 

Please pray for the Hope House kids, myself, Kenol and the boys as we all adjust to our new lives. My prayer is that we can mesh together and be one giant, happy family. I know our God is capable of this but it’s going to take work, patience, forgiveness and a whole lot of prayer!  I keep reminding myself that it’s only been 6 weeks so we’re all still trying to figure this thing out.

Thanks so much for your love and support for this crazy family.

Peace, love and family,

Rachel