The Business of Orphan Care
Orphan care.
A simple term meaning the act of caring for orphans.
Right?
I'm sorry dear reader, but you are so terribly wrong.
Coming into this journey many moons ago that was my belief, but very soon that idealist bubble was burst and my rose coloured dreams spilled out. You see, I naively assumed an orphanage was made up of a group of children who had no living parents. I very quickly learned that in Haiti this is not the case. Orphanages are mostly made up of children who have at least one, but often two, living parents. I processed this and came to the conclusion that these children, although not true orphans, were 'economic orphans'. In my mind this meant they were in desperate need. I imagined families living in huts, with dirt floors, their cheeks sunken in, bloated bellies and brittle orange hair. And yes, this is sometimes the case, however, in my experience, this is the exception.
I would estimate that I've been "offered" at least 200 children over the last 9 years. Often while the child is standing next their mother, or being held in her arms. Take a moment and think about how that conversation affects that child. Forever.
It's heartbreaking.
As the years passed by I began to see a little more clearly. It seemed like many of the parents I interacted with saw orphanages as a type of boarding school. They have a checklist; an orphanage should provide education, shelter, clothing and discipline. Orphanages run by foreigners are the best choice of course, but Haitian run work too as long as the children still get an education. These parents expect the same children they abandon at an orphanage gate to come back and take care of the family once they finish school.
I'm 9 years into this and haven't even begun to wrap my head around that.
A few months ago in Levek a mother came over to talk to me and asked me to take her child. Thankfully the child was not with her during this conversation. I asked her why she was looking to give her child away and her answer was simple, she couldn't pay for the child's school. As lovingly as possible I recommended that instead of looking for someone to take her child, she could start looking for ways to pay for the child's school. I went on to explain how much trauma her child would experience if she gave her away. In simple terms I explained that she may think she is doing something good for her child, but what her child will eventually believe is that her mother chose to give her away, and that this would result in a lifetime of pain, feelings of worthlessness and insecurity for her child. When I explained it from the child's perspective the mother seemed to understand, it was as though a light went off. Praise the Lord our paths crossed that day. I hope it made a difference.
I know these parents love their children. But do they love themselves? How do you get to a place where you truly believe your child is better off without you? Oh how my heart breaks.
Lord give us wisdom. Heal our brokenness. Help parents see how important and truly capable they are.
A simple term meaning the act of caring for orphans.
Right?
I'm sorry dear reader, but you are so terribly wrong.
Coming into this journey many moons ago that was my belief, but very soon that idealist bubble was burst and my rose coloured dreams spilled out. You see, I naively assumed an orphanage was made up of a group of children who had no living parents. I very quickly learned that in Haiti this is not the case. Orphanages are mostly made up of children who have at least one, but often two, living parents. I processed this and came to the conclusion that these children, although not true orphans, were 'economic orphans'. In my mind this meant they were in desperate need. I imagined families living in huts, with dirt floors, their cheeks sunken in, bloated bellies and brittle orange hair. And yes, this is sometimes the case, however, in my experience, this is the exception.
I would estimate that I've been "offered" at least 200 children over the last 9 years. Often while the child is standing next their mother, or being held in her arms. Take a moment and think about how that conversation affects that child. Forever.
It's heartbreaking.
As the years passed by I began to see a little more clearly. It seemed like many of the parents I interacted with saw orphanages as a type of boarding school. They have a checklist; an orphanage should provide education, shelter, clothing and discipline. Orphanages run by foreigners are the best choice of course, but Haitian run work too as long as the children still get an education. These parents expect the same children they abandon at an orphanage gate to come back and take care of the family once they finish school.
I'm 9 years into this and haven't even begun to wrap my head around that.
A few months ago in Levek a mother came over to talk to me and asked me to take her child. Thankfully the child was not with her during this conversation. I asked her why she was looking to give her child away and her answer was simple, she couldn't pay for the child's school. As lovingly as possible I recommended that instead of looking for someone to take her child, she could start looking for ways to pay for the child's school. I went on to explain how much trauma her child would experience if she gave her away. In simple terms I explained that she may think she is doing something good for her child, but what her child will eventually believe is that her mother chose to give her away, and that this would result in a lifetime of pain, feelings of worthlessness and insecurity for her child. When I explained it from the child's perspective the mother seemed to understand, it was as though a light went off. Praise the Lord our paths crossed that day. I hope it made a difference.
I know these parents love their children. But do they love themselves? How do you get to a place where you truly believe your child is better off without you? Oh how my heart breaks.
Lord give us wisdom. Heal our brokenness. Help parents see how important and truly capable they are.
There needs to be a "Like" button on your blog! Truth friend. Thank you.
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