Ripe Mango Chronicles

Do you ever wonder what people really think about you? How they would describe you as a person to someone who doesn't know you. I feel like the way I see myself and the way others see me doesn't necessarily correlate.  I often feel like a failure. Never enough in any of the many roles I fill, but consistent in my effort. Some days I exceed even my own expectations, and others I wonder how it's possible to accomplish so little. I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am at my core. The underlying person hood that makes up the pieces of me. Not the frazzled, exhausted, shell of me - but the deep inner world me.  I want to be known for my mistakes, or more accurately for what I did with those mistakes. I want to recognize my failures, admit them openly, apologize genuinely, makes wrongs right and move forward better. I have messed up. Many times. Leaving hurt, broken people in my wake. I was so wrong, so many times. I hope I keep recognizing my past failures and reconc...

I moved to Haiti in August 2006 as a young single woman fresh out of college with my rose coloured glasses firmly in place. These glasses went so well with my, “I’m here to make a difference” attitude. It was an exciting time!  I left Haiti in December 2016 utterly exhausted, with a broken spirit and layers upon layers of trauma. I had never imagined leaving Haiti so soon. I had planned to stay until I was ready to retire, but things got complicated. I started questioning whether I was willing to make the kind of sacrifices I had been making for a ministry whose focus had changed so drastically to things my conscience could not align with.  Leaving was hard, but also so good. My spirit, my faith, my trust in mankind was broken beyond repair, or so I thought. I left Haiti having no desire to ever return. Just the thought of returning caused panic to rise throughout my entire body, but I also knew not returning could deeply hurt those I left behind. I tried. I really tried to re...

K’BHAMM FAM CAMPING BLOG DAY -1 and 1 I finished work on Friday a little after 5:00 and immediately went into super packing mode. So much so that eventually I got the shakes from not eating and had to stop and scarf something down before I passed out. Shaking eventually stopped, moving on.  We can't forget Pickle Bottle  Jubilee’s bag completed using camping checklist (note to self add bonnet to her list). Zander’s bag completed using camping checklist. (added in a few extras of everything because Zander gets DIRTY!!) Zander asked repeatedly, “are we going camping today?” To which I responded every time, “No, we’re going camping tomorrow.” At this point I went grocery shopping with our giant list. Items I forgot:  -Alfredo sauce -bacon -eggs -hotdogs Upon my return Kenol went to get a few things he needed that were not on the master list and to fill in the gaps from my list. Items he forgot:  -bacon -hotdogs I packed for hours and eventually dropped into bed knowing ...

"Our problem is not that we desire too much, but too little." C.S. Lewis We began looking to buy a house in Canada in 2017. Anyone who lives in the Niagara Region knows it was around this time the market was heating up. (It was since exploded - we had no idea what was coming.) We met with a mortgage broker and figured out what we could even qualify for, and then assessed how much we thought we could actually afford and had our price range. After weeks of house searching we came to the conclusion that the best case scenario in our price range would be a semi-detached home (duplex) with 3 bedrooms. My dream home would also have a second washroom, or at least a half bath, and room in the basement for the boys to make into their area. Even if it wasn't a traditional bedroom.  Honestly, I wasn't dreaming very big but I felt I was being realistic. A family of 7 in a 3 bedroom home obviously isn't ideal, but I figured we would do out best to make it work.  As we continue...

I had been a missionary in Haiti for a few years, when the opportunity to join another fellow missionary family on a week long all inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic with some of the other single girls we worked with. I JUMPED at the opportunity. There was just one problem the only clothing I had were my boring old missionary clothes. Absolutely not suitable for an evening at the resort disco or a fancy dinner at one of the resort restaurants.   On the drive from our home in Titanyen, Haiti to the resort in the Dominican Republic we were amazed at how different the Dominican was from Haiti, and how modern some areas were. Especially as we got closer to the resort. We made up our minds, that we would HAVE to do some shopping, and soon!  One of my fellow missionary friends and I made some Haitian/Dominican friends and talked them into escorting us on a shopping trip. We paid one of their friends to drive us around and we had so much fun. We went to this one store that...

Am I living like I mean it? I sometimes imagine what people would say at my funeral, how many people would come and who. Would they say I lived a life of intention? That I lived a life that meant something and impacted people? Anytime I hear someone say, "so-and-so makes you feel like the most important person in the world when you're around them" I immediately think, "I want to do that!" I want people to feel like they have my undivided attention and that they are the most important person to me. I want to give people my undivided attention. I want my attention to be undivided. There probably isn't one person who feels like this is my presence. I feel like there isn't a moment in my life where my attention isn't half on what I'm doing and half on what I need to be doing next. I feel like there is never a moment in my life these days where I can truly just be present in the moment. I'm in a constant state of rushing from one task to the next....