Family Decisions
We were married February 2012 and became an instant family of 5. The boys were 4, 6 and 8 at the time. We wanted to wait a little before adding to our family, to bond and adjust to our new life. We decided we were ready by the end of 2013 and I soon became pregnant with Jubilee. It was a little crazy since neither Kenol or the boys had Canadian visas at the time and we knew we wanted to have the baby in Canada. Thankfully Kenol was granted a visa mid-pregnancy and Jubilee was born in Ontario November 2014. I was in Canada for 7 weeks total for her birth, and Kenol came for 4. It was a very trying time because Kenol and I were away from the boys for so long, but we did what we had to and we survived.
And so we became a family of 6.
I know things will be different for Jubilee being a bi-racial child. In Haiti she is considered white, and in Canada she will be considered black. Kenol and I both can understand not completely fitting into each others worlds, but we know the comfort of at least fitting into our own. We worry, and wonder where Jubilee will feel most comfortable, and where she will feel like she fits in.
Our family plan was to have two babies close together, as long as baby #1 was a girl (I wasn't willing to possibly have 5 boys!!). We wanted Jubilee to have a sibling close in age for many reasons; we see the close bond the boys, and my niece and nephew have and we want that for her as well. We also want her to have someone like her to do life with. No one wants to feel like they are going through life alone, like no one can understand them.
Life has been a wild ride since Jubilee was born. The first few months were calm and peaceful, but that didn't last long. Uncertainty and discouragement have become prevalent in our daily lives. Not knowing when life will be a little more settled it made the decision to have another baby more scary than that decision already is. We put it off and changed our minds back and forth. Enter Zika. We assumed Zika was just another mosquito born illness similar to Chikungunya. Turns out it's a lot worse than Chikungunya and was potentially linked to microcephaly in Brasil we began to question our decision even more. Recent reports confirm there is a direct link between Zika and fetal brain damage. So we have decided now just isn't the right time for us to have another baby.
I'm not really sure how I feel about this decision. I am grieving what could have been. Even if we decide to have another child in the future the age gap between that child and Jubilee will not be what we wanted for them.
I'm working on giving it over to the Lord and trusting him with our future. It's a work in progress though and some days is much harder than others.
I just know right now isn't the right time, and it makes me really sad.
Signed a mom of four
And so we became a family of 6.
I know things will be different for Jubilee being a bi-racial child. In Haiti she is considered white, and in Canada she will be considered black. Kenol and I both can understand not completely fitting into each others worlds, but we know the comfort of at least fitting into our own. We worry, and wonder where Jubilee will feel most comfortable, and where she will feel like she fits in.
Our family plan was to have two babies close together, as long as baby #1 was a girl (I wasn't willing to possibly have 5 boys!!). We wanted Jubilee to have a sibling close in age for many reasons; we see the close bond the boys, and my niece and nephew have and we want that for her as well. We also want her to have someone like her to do life with. No one wants to feel like they are going through life alone, like no one can understand them.
Life has been a wild ride since Jubilee was born. The first few months were calm and peaceful, but that didn't last long. Uncertainty and discouragement have become prevalent in our daily lives. Not knowing when life will be a little more settled it made the decision to have another baby more scary than that decision already is. We put it off and changed our minds back and forth. Enter Zika. We assumed Zika was just another mosquito born illness similar to Chikungunya. Turns out it's a lot worse than Chikungunya and was potentially linked to microcephaly in Brasil we began to question our decision even more. Recent reports confirm there is a direct link between Zika and fetal brain damage. So we have decided now just isn't the right time for us to have another baby.
I'm not really sure how I feel about this decision. I am grieving what could have been. Even if we decide to have another child in the future the age gap between that child and Jubilee will not be what we wanted for them.
I'm working on giving it over to the Lord and trusting him with our future. It's a work in progress though and some days is much harder than others.
I just know right now isn't the right time, and it makes me really sad.
Signed a mom of four
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